kokopellinelli (kokopellinelli) wrote,
kokopellinelli
kokopellinelli

Dear boat passengers:

I understand that it's a gorgeous day and you want to stay out on the bow. I like the bow, too. When the captain announces that we're going to serve lunch and that we can do that anywhere on the boat except the bow, that's your cue to come inside. You can go upstairs and sit outside, that's fine. The bow is too windy a place to serve lunch. We'd get chowder all over. And you know, as soon as you're done, you are welcome to return to the bow. Hell, you can even stand up at the counter right inside and look out the windows over the bow, so you don't miss anything.

The thing is, I don't like having to go out and make sure you heard the announcement. When I come onto the bow and say, "Hey, are you guys going to eat lunch?" and you say, "Yes," and I say "Then you're going to have to come inside because we can't serve out here," don't look surprised and say "Really?" because I know you heard the captain make his announcement.

Additionally, please please PLEASE, boat passengers, when we are serving lunch, don't let your kids run around and stand in the aisles and run down to the galley and say "I'M HUNGRY!" We are getting the food out as fast as we can. We have to distribute the trays, utensils, and beverages first, and only then can we give out the food, and the food trays only carry six plates at a time.

And PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, once you choose a seat to sit in for lunch, STAY THERE. Don't wait until I've given you your tray, utensils, and beverage, and served almost everyone else on the deck, and then suddenly decide to move inside or downstairs. When that happens, if I don't see you move, I think I've miscounted or gone crazy. Also, I'm carrying a heavy tray with hot soup on it, coming up steep stairs and we're hitting the ferry's wake. I get to finish coming up the stairs. You don't get to start down and then stand in my way until I back up. No.

And, dear boat passengers, I know I've said this already, but seriously. WATCH YOUR KIDS. When your child is running loose, screaming, and jumping down stairs, and I say, "Don't run, sweetie, okay?" don't assume that I'll babysit them the rest of the day. I like kids. If they're nice, I'll play with them a little bit in between my other duties. I may even let them help me carry around the ice or show them pictures of animals in our children's books or even HOLD them. But when I ask you to please watch your kid, and you say, "Oh, we're on a boat. Where could he go?" and I say, "Uh...over the side, maybe?" I AM NOT JOKING.

And sir? No, you may not stand on the bench. Not even to take the photo. And ma'am, when we say "Don't stand on the benches or sit on the railings," and I remind you again that you cannot stand on the bench, your retaliation of "It's okay, I'm not sitting on the railing!" makes me think you really didn't get the point of that announcement.

Thank you for going with us, I hope you enjoyed the trip.
-Boat Wench

X-Posted to customers_suck
Tags: benches, boats, bow, kids, letter
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