It's actually been gone for about a week or so. I realized that fact when I looked for it to drain the spaghetti I'd made. Then I remembered when I wanted to drain the potatoes I cooked tonight.
The thing is, we've looked everywhere in the kitchen. In the cupboard where we usually keep it, in all the other cupboards (including the one that only contains plastic bags and potatoes), in the fridge, under the pile of dishes that perpetually occupies our sink, on all the counters. We never take it out of the kitchen. It's bright yellow plastic. It's not like it's hard to see.
Where oh where has my colander gone?
It's not like it'd be hard to replace. It's not a family heirloom. It does not know the secret of the universe. It's just a colander. But I really want to know where it went.
Did I sleepwalk and wear it as a helmet while charging through the apartment, brandishing Bugsucker?
Did Keely take it out to pan for gold in the dry ditch that mysteriously sprouts frogs when it rains for more than 3 days at a time?
Did a malevolent colander-loving gremlin steal it for the sole purpose of making sweet gremlin love to it and eventually giving birth to tiny squishy noodle-babies?
The world may never know.