February 7th, 2005

Brilliant!

(no subject)

I remembered something earlier that I find amusing.

My aunt and uncle (J and K) visit my mom in Alaska every summer. One year, my mom had taken them to the store so she and my uncle could pick out cake mix and party stuff for my aunt's birthday. Mom got my aunt occupied in another aisle (probably showing her craft stuff) then snuck to the party aisle with my uncle so they could shop.

My aunt evidently got bored and went in search of them. She turned down the party aisle and walked toward them, and my mom, wanting to keep her distracted, said loudly "Look! A PURPLE COW!" pointing down the aisle in my aunt's direction.

My aunt was wearing a purple sweatsuit.

Immediately she turned and started walking away, shoulders slumped, head down, looking dejected. Mom had to apologize and explain that it was merely a diversionary tactic and no, J did not look like a cow.
Brilliant!

(no subject)

So Keels went over to Justin's tonight, which is about a 2 or 3 minute drive, and she said she'd call when she got there, like she normally does. So I sat with the phone and waited. And waited. And waited. I tried calling, but the line was busy. Justin has been known to leave his computer online while he's at work. I called again. Same. Again. Same.

Finally, about 20 minutes after she'd left, and grumbling to myself, I shrugged into a jacket, grabbed my keys, and went to my car. I drove to Justin's and Keely's car was in the driveway. Good. She'd gotten that far.

I went to the door, rang the doorbell. Knocked. No answer. Rang the doorbell again. No answer. The lights were all on. Rang again. I was almost afraid to look in the window for fear I'd see my roomie's body crumpled at the foot of the (very steep) stairs. I glanced in. No body. Whew. Then I saw a shadow coming down the stairs from the computer room. I moved back to the door.

When she opened the door, she was apprehensive. Who would come by at 9:30 at night? She saw me, gave me a quizzical look.

"So." I said, raising an eyebrow. "Where's my phone call?"

Her eyes widened and she gasped, "Oh my god, I am SO SORRY! I forgot!"

So I went inside, we hugged (we're very touchyfeely), and she invited me to stay for a while since Justin won't be back till midnight. I declined, but I did come in to say hello to the pigs. I haven't seen them for a couple weeks and I think they were like "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? STRANGER!" Guinea pigs with goldfish memory spans.

Anyway, I got home and got inside the door just in time to hear the last ring of the phone. I called Justin's and asked Keely if she'd tried to call. "Yeah. Just want to make sure everyone's safe where they belong this time."

Anyway, it was probably a good thing. Hoss hasn't gone anywhere for several days and I think it did him some good to stretch his wheels.

That was my little adventure for the night. Before anyone asks, no, I'm not mad at my roomie. She's not flaky (I'm actually the flaky one) and it probably did me good to get a little fresh air. But my hands are still cold, and I don't want to make hot chocolate or tea because I've already brushed my teeth and I'm lazy and don't want to do it again. Bah.

Before she left, we had a little fun...Justin gave her a little gag gift for her birthday, and it included a condom. So we unrolled it. Then we filled it with water.

We named it George the Wonderweasel.

George was squishy and stretchy, very strong (I suppose he'd have to be, hmm?). I suggested Keely take George to Justin's house, lay him beside the bathroom sink, and see how long it took Justin to notice. She didn't want to do that. "What would I say?" she asked. " 'Justin, look what I brought, it reminds me of you'?"

So we poked a hole in George's reservoir and I emptied him into the toilet.

It's really not that hard, guys.

I only say that because when I worked on the boats, you would not believe how much pee I cleaned off the toilet seats, the floor, the walls. THE CEILING. I shit you not. I mean, yes, we were on a boat, but it was usually relatively calm water.

Anyway. So that was my night. I'm a wild one, I am.
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