April 25th, 2005

Brilliant!

(no subject)

I always thought that I would be farther than I am right now. I always figured life would just step in and help me out, like it always has in the past. I am working a little bit now, as a substitute, but it's sporadic at best. I'm still looking for another job, but it seems that everything advertised here are RN jobs or jobs for real teachers. I wouldn't want to be a teacher, anyway. I don't think I'd have the patience. I love kids, but being an authority figure to them all the time would just be too much.

Well, there is one other job. I'm thinking of applying for it. But I just don't know if I'd have the courage to go for a job at the deli counter in the Piggly Wiggly. I feel horrible and stuck-up and elitest, but it's like...I didn't go to college so I could sling meat for minimum wage. I in no way think less of the people who do work as cashiers and deli people and maintenance workers...in fact, I may respect them a bit more than people with jobs like I'd like to have. I know I respect them more than myself. At least they have jobs. I don't know. I hate feeling worthless.

I used to think I knew what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be. Every time I try something, it turns out to not be what I wanted. I would like to be an illustrator, but I would need to take classes, so I would need money, so I would need a job. I would like to be a proofreader or copyeditor, but I don't know even where to begin with that. I'm planning on moving back to Valdez next summer, and I have no idea what I'm going to do there. Not working at the hotel again. If I decide to go for this Piggly Wiggly job here, maybe I'll see if I can get a job at Eagle Quality Center back home. Maybe I'll try for a 'cushy' clothing store job at Sugar&Spice. I wouldn't mind working at the museum.

But hell, I don't even know what I'm going to do in regards to getting a job here, let alone at home a year from now. I don't know how to go about getting real jobs, besides walking from business to business, asking if they need my services. I did a little of that when I first moved here and it didn't work (obviously).

I just wish I was one of those people who were born knowing what they wanted or needed to do with their lives. I don't draw as much as I should, but even if I was an awesome artist instead of merely a passable one, even if I had a great portfolio, I'm not sure where I would go with it.

Ah well.

This rare fit of melancholy has been brought to you by The Moods of Nelli: If You Don't Like the Weather, Wait Around a Bit and It'll Change.
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Brilliant!

(no subject)

Meme-thing stolen from foresthouse.

Friends! Describe ME in one sentence. Can be silly or serious or whatever you want. Anything that describes ME.

Then post this in your journal to get your one-sentence biographies.
Brilliant!

(no subject)

It's official. My cleavage is some kind of catch-all for food. Salad, cookies...you name it.

Maybe I should stop eating while wearing my Rockstar tank top.

But it is so very very comfy. *sad face*

It's horrible, what a sloppy eater I am. I am a bad person. I need to stop eating while lying down.

HAHAHA! Just kidding! I do not eat lying down. Often. Especially not salad with sweet poppyseed dressing. *furtive face*

Stupid cookie crumbs. Itchy.