September 19th, 2005

Brilliant!

(no subject)

Arr.

Ahoy, mateys. Heppy Talk Loik a Pirrrrate Day.

...

It's harrrrrrrrrd.

Last noight, Oi hed a crrrazy dream, me hearrrties. Trrry to guess what'twas aboot.

If'n ya said "spiderrrrs," ye'd be quite correct.

A big white spiderrr, t'be exact. Keels (me farrrst mate, she is...th'wench...) told me it be a Donkey Spiderrr, to which Oi reploied "Arrrrr."

Oi put a wee glass o'er its lettle booty (bwah harrrrr) but it be'd so dense it knocked the glass roight overrrr, and made me run shriekin' like a wee lass in sharrrrt skirrts.

An' then Oi was on me ship, the Jolly Arrrr, but there be snow all arround, just a'blowin' as pretty as ye please. It be'd sparrrrkly, yessarrrrrrr. And a moit nipply as well.

Oi hev an ache in me noggin. Why is th' rrrrrrrrrum gone?
Brilliant!

(no subject)

There's some kind of big ugly fly zooming around my apartment and buzzing me. I managed to smack it with the lime green flyswatter but that merely stunned the monster.

...

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH DIIIIIIIIIE YOU SUCKER.

OMG IT HAD RED EYES.

OH IT WAS HUGE.

Okay, I flushed it down the toilet. Now it will become a 2-pound sewer fly, too bloated with human waste to crawl out of the bowels of the city ever again.

When I smacked it that second time, it slammed into the rug so hard that it actually bounced about 6 inches back into the air. Does it make me a bad person if I'm kinda proud of that fact?