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JEEBUS FRIES!

October 30th, 2005

08:23 am

Holy shit. I found this in metaquotes...the image is not safe for work. Penis cake given to someone's mom for her birthday. This thing is feckin amazing.

12:46 pm

Scary Religious Lady video clip from a Trading Spouses episode. This woman is possessed or something...

06:53 pm

Well, once again, our Halloween candy-handing-out score was disappointing. Keels and I went to Justin's (since he's on a main street and his living room is on ground level). Keels dressed as a gypsy (gorgeous, as usual) and I was Bloody Nell, the Ghettoest Pirate, Scourge of uh...Cheese...

Anyway.

Our first 'Treaters were two little fairies, the youngest was probably 3 or 4. I opened the door and the older one said "Trick or treat!" while the younger one pushed past me and walked into the living room. I said, "Hi!" and her mom, who was on the walk in front of the house, cried "Oh no no no, sweetie!" and ran up the steps. She pulled the little girl back onto the porch and explained that it was her first time trick or treating.

The little girl was SO CUTE. We laughed.

Then Keely opened the door to the Grim Reaper and...some 13-year-old dressed as NOTHING except a 13-year-old, then I opened the door to Jason and...someone...and then, about an hour and a half later, Keels opened the door for two teenage girls dressed (we're guessing) as Britney Spears.

And that was it. I even gave myself a lipstick cut on my cheek and a blue eyeshadow black eye! Though Jason and uh...someone's mom did call from the sidewalk, "I like your costume!"

By the way, we did get pictures of both of us, but it depends on how they turn out and whether you-all are nice to me if I post them or not.

08:40 pm

Speaking of Halloween, I don't think I've ever posted this story (and if I have, I didn't put it in my memories, so I can't find it, so I'm posting it again).

This happened a couple years ago when I lived in the apartment in Ashland with Keels and Nina. The way our apartment was set up, you walked in through the front door, and you could either go down a hallway to our bedroom or you could go up the stairs to the living room, kitchen, and Nina's room. Immediately outside our front door was an alcove, along with all mailboxes for all 4 of the apartments. I should also note that our immediate neighbors were party animals.

I kept the bowl of candy at the bottom of the stairs. Whenever the doorbell rang, I would jog down and answer the door, hand out candy, then jog back up the stairs so I could watch TV with the girls instead of just languishing in the dark downstairs hallway.

We'd gotten a few 'treaters when this happened. The doorbell rang. I jogged down and answered the door. A teenage girl in a cape and devil horns was crouching beneath the mailboxes, talking on her cell phone. She glanced at me and waved me away. Bemused, I closed the door and went back up the stairs. As soon as I reached the top, the bell rang again.

Keely and Nina looked at me with raised brows. I frowned and went back down the damn stairs.

This time when I opened the door, the girl was standing right outside. And quite obviously toasted.

Girl: Hi! I'm Chantal, Bri's sister! Omg I went to this house and they gave me a WHOLE Snickers bar! ISN'T THAT COOL?? *steps into my foyer*

Me: *stands there in my gypsy skirts, holding a bowl of candy, thinking wtf?*

Girl: And usually I get down on my knees when I trick or treat because sometimes people don't like to give out candy to older people (note: she was maybe 16). But I went to this one house and I got a whole Snickers bar, and it's one of the king-size ones! And I didn't even have to pretend to be little! It was SO COOL! Don't you think that it's COOL?

Me: Uhh...yeah?

Girl: *smiles at me expectantly*

Me: Um...would you like some candy? *thrusts out the bowl in front of me like a shield*

Girl: *gets teary-eyed (I'm not kidding)* OMG THAT IS SO NICE OF YOU!! OH, YOU'RE NICE! I'll only have one. *daintily picks out a single mini Reeses cup* *keeps standing there*

Me: Would you uh...like more?

Girl: No, that's okay. Thank you.

Me: *still has the door open, still holding the bowl in front of me, still wears a worried expression*

Keely and Nina: *have not said anything this whole time...or coughed...or sneezed...or moved...or breathed*

Girl: *still staring*

Me: *still confused*

Door: *still open*

Girl: Soooo...where is everybody?

Me: Um...my...roommates are upstairs...

Girl's Brainbulb: *ping!*

Girl: Isn't this Bri's house?

Me: Not...that I know of...

Girl: OMG I'M IN THE WRONG HOUSE!

Me: *relieved* Ha! Ha ha! Oh! You must be looking for next door.

Girl: OMG I'M SO SORRY! SO SORRY! *backs out the door and stumbles away*

Door: *closes*

Me: *sighs*

Keely and Nina: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Me: Next time someone ELSE is answering the door!
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