Ryan and Cap'n John convinced some poor 8-year-old girl that Ryan's given name was "Diva Boy," that I was his mother, and that Charles was his brother. I came into the galley where she was talking to Charles and Susan and she asked me, "Are you Diva Boy's mom?"
Little Girl: Will you make him dance?
Me: Uh...okay. *follows the little girl upstairs, where "Diva Boy" and John are looking quite smug.
Little Girl: *whispers* I think they're lying.
Me: I think you're a very smart little girl.
Little Girl: *plants herself next to Cap'n John, folds her arms, stares at him* If I was your mother, I'd ground you! For two years!
John: Two years? I'm GLAD you're not my mom! I think you made the right choice when you decided not to have kids.
Little Girl: *whispers to me* Is his name really Diva Boy?
John: *overhears* I've seen his birth certificate. It says "Diva D. Boy."
Me: His name is Ryan.
Little Girl: *glares at Ryan* Well, hello, RYAN.
Ryan: I don't know what you're talking about. That's not my name.
Then it was time to dock the boat, so I went downstairs.
Okay, and one more thing.
If you rent a pair of our (sorta crappy) binoculars, PLEASE don't give them to your 3-year-old for the day and let him run around with them, drag them on the ground, swing them into walls, and bang them on the floor. The reason they suck is because people keep DOING that.
Bite me, and have a nice day.
Your friendly crew chief. (No, I'm not a stewardess. No, I'm not the captain. No, you do NOT have permission to come aboard.)