Item 1: In my announcements at the beginning of the trip, I do say that the doors on this particular boat are tricky; some slide open and some push open. I even say, "If you're pulling and pulling on a door, trying to get it to slide, and it doesn't...try pushing on it, because that's been known to work."
So, with that information in mind, when you go to the door by the galley, and you want to get outside, and you are pulling on the door to get it to slide, and it's not sliding...what are your other choices?
A. Pull on it some more.
B. Fiddle with the lock.
C. Stand there and stare at it blankly (straight at the sign above the handle that says "push").
D. Walk away, after deciding you didn't need to get outside to use the head after all.
E. PUSH ON THE BLOODY DOOR.
If you chose any option besides E, I think you've been on the boat before.
Now, sometimes the people who do this are Germans who know no English. That would explain why they didn't understand my announcement and why they couldn't read the sign. I don't know if doors work differently in Germany...maybe they don't have doors that push open. However, as for all the middle-aged Americans who do this, you'd think that by this point in their lives they'd know how to operate a door.
Item 2: Why, you utter dumbass, would you go on a glacier cruise in Alaska on a rainy, foggy day and not bring a coat?
And why, Oh Moronic One, would you then complain about being cold?
ALASKA. GLACIER CRUISE. STUPIDO.
Item 3: This concerns something that happened yesterday, but has happened before.
Why would you go on a cruise, expecting to see lots of neat stuff, and then not get up and go out onto the decks to look at any of it?
I mean, yes, it was rainy and foggy yesterday. But all these people had brought their raincoats.
Anyway, we had a couple tour groups on board, and one of them consisted of about forty 65-75-year old Midwesterners. They spent most of the day sitting at their tables talking and laughing. Fine. Dandy. But even when we slowed down to look at things, did they get up and come outside to experience it? A few of them did. Most of them stayed inside. Fine. Their choice.
However, we had some young people on board as well, most notably two young couples traveling together. They were excited about everything we were seeing and often stepped outside to get pictures or just get a closer look. This happened upstairs, so I only got the second-hand account from Cap'n Chris, but apparently, whenever these young people stepped onto the side decks to look at something, the old folks would pound on the windows to get them to move. And they weren't even blocking the windows, just standing at the edge so the people inside couldn't see what we were coming up on, but would be able to see as soon as we got closer.
Apparently, they did that several times throughout the day, also adding "MOVE!" and angry hand gestures to their repertoire of jerkiness. My brother reports that he even heard one lady exclaim, "Those young people are so disrespectful."
Not to mention the time when Charles was talking to some ladies right outside the door, so he was propping the door open because he was about 2 seconds away from going back inside and one of the guys from the tour group yelled, "CLOSE THE DOOR."
Gee, jackass. Ever heard of "please?"
Item 4: We will serve the soup when it's time to serve the soup. I know you're hungry. We have snacks for sale downstairs, or maybe you could dig into that grocery bag full of chip and crackers I see under your table. But we wait for a certain point in the trip to serve the soup, so the captain won't have to interrupt meal service to point something out.
Don't get huffy with me. You're 65 years old. Not 2. Deal with it.
Item 5: And there was a lady yesterday. She wasn't too bad, just a little odd. Apparently, she came into the ticket office talking to her hands ("What an interesting conversation! I have four fingers on this hand, too!") so we were prepared for some weirdness from her.
She was pretty normal until we stopped in Unakwik Inlet to look at a big raft of otters. I was on the upper aft deck, and so was she, and she asked what they ate. I replied, "Shellfish, salmon, octopus, anything they can cat..."
Her: OH LOOK, A SALMON!
Me (and several passengers): *step forward to look*
Her: They didn't jump for it! It was...I was joking. Eh eh eh eh.
*A few minutes later*
Her: What do otters noise make?
Me: They make a noise sort of like "Eeeeeee" when they're fighting or playing.
Her: QUICK EVERYONE GO "EEEEEEEEEE!"
Me: Please don't do that. We don't want to spook the otters.
Her: *gives me the weirdest pouty look over her shoulder, then turns back to look at the otters* eeee. eeee.
Luckily, we started pulling away from the otters then and I didn't have to worry about her startling them anymore.
Whew. Okay, think I'm good for now. At least till someone else comes along and pisses me off.