kokopellinelli (kokopellinelli) wrote,

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My dog is dead.

He's been sick for a while with heart disease (or some such thing) and has been (had been, I guess) having trouble breathing. He was taking pills twice daily. Then mom got home from visiting my grandpa for a couple weeks and Buddy had an embolism. We did canine CPR (me on the phone with the vet and pumping his chest, mom breathing through his nose) but he was already gone.

I'm kinda shaky...I've only been home since Sunday morning from school, where I've been the past 6 months, so it kinda sucks a whole bunch. He's now in our freezer.

It's been a crappy year for our pets. Rachet, the cat that we'd inherited from a friend and only had about 3 months died on Christmas from what we think was kidney failure. He had been sick for about a week but we hadn't taken him to the vet because he looked like he was getting better. Then on Christmas day his condition worsened and of course it was Christmas so the vet wasn't available and we figured we would take him in the next day bright and early. Then about an hour before dinner he crawled in a cupboard and died.

I don't think I want any more pets. Not for years, at least. Then maybe I can forget what it's like to have them, and I won't need them. Then I won't have to go through this again. That's selfish, I know, but damn. Dammit.

There's nothing you can do for an embolism. At least it was quick. And at least I was home when it happened so mom didn't have to deal with it alone. God I really hate this.

We are now down to no pets. No cats, no dogs, no gerbils, no fish...we've never had birds...It's just the three of us in the house now...and my brother isn't even here. He's at work. When I leave this fall, it'll just be mom and my brother. Then my brother leaves for college next year. Then...I guess mom will be free to take off and go places without worrying about anyone else, for once, and she'll be happy for that. But I'm gonna miss the little beast. We all will. He's been part of our family for almost 10 years, since my dad died. Actually, since a little before. We have pictures of dad in his bed with a very tiny Buddy lying on his chest.

And the dog never really liked me, I don't think, unless I gave him food. But we played together, and I walked him, and I wish that it didn't have to feel this way. I need to be really tired tonight or I won't sleep.

This is a very long ramble, so I'm going to stop now. Take care, all.

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