Anyway, today we went out to mom's, and I brought the clippers in the hopes that mom could help me hold Sum and I could do a better job of evening things up. It being a lovely day, mom spent most of it out in her garden, and though she'd said she would help me, I thought "Hm, if I can get mah doggeh to lay on her side while I soothed her with gentle words, I could probably do this myself!" So I took her out on the deck and laid her down, and actually managed to do a pretty good job of her back and sides before she became intolerant of the process again.
For the next two hours, I had to fight the urge to burst into tears whenever I looked at her.
The thing about Summer is, she is a red dog. But if you get down to her undercoat, she's almost white. So I had a bright white short-haired dog with a red head, tail, and legs, and long reddish feathers on her underside.
When mom came up for dinner (I made her creamy chicken enchiladas), she insisted that Summer already looked better than she had when we arrived. Then we took her onto the deck, this time weilding treats, and went for the underside.
The final result, after a few little trims with the scissors, is a bright white short-haired dog with a red head, tail, and lower legs. At least she looks more even than before (though not totally; the folds of skin on her neck were really hard and they kind of look like ruffled feathers) and well, fur DOES grow back. She'll get cold more easily now and I'll have to be on the lookout for sunburn, but...at least I know now kind of what works and what doesn't. I guess we'll see how I do next time.
Also, apropos of nothing, I'm pretty sure she, at some point, 1) left the state and journeyed down to someplace where there are skunks, and 2) ATE a skunk, because she 3) keeps farting and it SMELLS like a skunk. And it seems to startle her. She'll be lying there and all of a sudden I'll hear "preeeeeeeep!" and she'll look behind her really fast like "WHO'S THERE?" And then the sweet aroma of skunk comes out of nowhere and knocks me flat like a Mack truck.