kokopellinelli (kokopellinelli) wrote,

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Hey, everyone.

Many many moons ago (at least 11 years, I guess, because it happened when my father was still alive) my mom gathered the family in the living room. Up until that point, dinner was always a fairly casual affair. We all ate at the table together (most of the time) but I usually read a book and the TV was usually on and it was just a sort of 'come as you are' thing.

However, my mother got us all into the living room and told us she had something to say.

"We are going to start doing dinner right. Here is a list of things that will be changing about dinner time."

And she handed us a list. The list included "Everyone will dress nicely for dinner," "There will be no reading, TV, or taking phone calls while eating," "There will be nice conversation," "Dinner will last for two hours every night," and "Each dinner will consist of four to five courses."

Me, Chaz, and Dad: O__________o

Mom: Right. Everyone, go get changed. Dinner will be in twenty minutes.

Me, Chaz, and Dad: *wander away in a daze*

20 minutes later:

The lights are dim, there are lit candles and a clean tablecloth on the table, the TV is off, and there are four very nicely dressed people in the dining room.

Mom: *brings in the first course of cold shrimp and cocktail sauce*

Me, Chaz, and Dad: *eat* Mm.

Mom: How was everyone's day?

Me, Chaz, and Dad: Good.

Family: *makes more small talk*


Next course: *is some kind of soup*

Family: *makes more small talk*

Me: *thinks This is weird, so weird, but damn the food is good...*

Main course: *something requiring me to know which fork is which*

Nearly two hours after the start of dinner:

Mom: Well. This is certainly nice. (note: No one in my family ever talks like this.) Is everyone ready for dessert?

Me, Chaz, and Dad: *have been lulled into complacency and teh sleepy by heavy food and warm candles* Uh huh.

Mom: *hands out the dessert cups to each of us* Before we start, I'd just like to say one thing. APRIL FOOLS! Hahahahahaha! *grins at us, clearly expecting us to let out huge sighs of relief*

Me, Chaz, and Dad: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. *immensely disappointed*

Mom: *instantly incredulous* What do you mean, AWWWWW??? IT TOOK ME A WEEK TO PLAN THIS MEAL! Did you really think I would do this EVERY DAMN DAY??

Me, Chaz, and Dad: *subdued* Well...yeah.

Mom: *facepalm*

And so, children, that is why there has never again been an April Fools Day prank played in my family. It's just too much damn effort.

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