kokopellinelli (kokopellinelli) wrote,
kokopellinelli
kokopellinelli

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The summer of 2003, when I was 21, I worked in a hotel lobby as the front desk clerk. Second shift, which is 3pm-11pm. Attached to the lobby of this hotel was a bar. The bar was grungy, run-down, not a nice place. Most of its occupants were locals.

I am normally a rather shy person. Being around 45-year-old drunk guys who think I'm the hottest thing around (which sadly I was, because the only other things around were other 45-year-old drunk guys) only exaserbated this shyness.

This first guy was not too bad...he was a regular at the bar and quite nice when sober, though I'm unsure how often he bathed.


GG: Greasy Guy
Me: I'll give you three guesses...

GG: *stumbles up the desk where I am trying to read, emanating alcohol fumes* Well hey there. *eyebrow waggle*

Me: *already blushing and nervous because I know what's coming* Um. Hello, sir.

GG: You are one beautiful woman. *exhales sharply, sending essence of JD wafting about* When is your next day off?

Me: Ehm...*lies* I'm not sure.

GG: Because I'd LOVE to take you out to dinner. Or something.

Me: o__o Um...that's okay. I'm usually busy.

GG: Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No...*I realize now I should have said yes*

GG: But you don't want to go out with me? You must be a lesbian.

Me: *wtf?* Um. Yes. Yes, I am a lesbian. You got it.

GG: No you're not.

Me: Okay...

GG: It's because I'm too old for you, isn't it?

Me: Yes. You're too old for me.

GG: *leans across the counter* Age...is just a number.

Me: *God? Are you there?* ...

GG: All you really have to do is say I'm not your type.

Me: You're not my type.

GG: Okay then. Good night. *returns to the bar*

Me: *??*


Random drunk lumberjack-type on the way back from the bathroom: *stops halfway across the lobby when he sees me, then makes a detour to my desk* How'd ya get ta be SHOOOOOO perty?

Me: *Has something to do with the 15th beer, I suspect* Good genes, I guess.

Him: HA HA HA SNORT! Good genes! Tha's a good one, Li'l Lady!! *returns to bar, because he really needs another drink*


This next one is one of the creepiest guys there. He lived in the hotel for at least a month before I left, but he was around before then. I think he comes in the summer looking for work or something. But EVERY DAY he would come back from work about 4pm, drop his stuff off in his room, and be down in that bar tossing back Long Island Iced Teas within 5 minutes. He would get to the point every evening that when he walked to and from the bathroom, he was literally swaying and staggering. Most of the time he was too out of it to notice me.

One afternoon, I was behind the counter and I was chatting with 2 guys who worked in the hotel's restaurant. The restaurant was empty, so E(big black cook) and F(waiter) were hanging out on the lobby couches. Enter Drunken Asshole Hellslob (DAH).

DAH: *staggers to the counter* I'll bet you think you're smart. Well I'm smarter! I read. A lot. You don't read a lot, do you? *blah blah I'm better than you because I can read and you're a dumb girl blah blah*

Me: *trying not to laugh, because F is making faces at me behind DAH's back*

DAH: *stops, looks behind him* Hey. Those guys... *whispers loudly to me* You should be careful around them. Those types only got one thing on their mind. They're slobby and will never amount to anything.

Now, E was usually a really cool guy, it took a lot for him to lose his temper. He stood and said: "Hey man, that's enough."

DAH: *belligerently* Don't fuckin tell me that man. *gets up in E's face* Get away from me.

E: Take it easy.

DAH: *yelling* Don't you tell me what to do you no-account! You'll never be anything!

E: Oh, like you have all the answers in life. Look at you, man. You're pathetic. All you do is drink your money away.

DAH: I have a job!! *shoves E*

E: *looks REALLY mad, is opening and closing his hands like he wants a fight*

Me: *to DAH* Mike! Mike, maybe you should go back in the bar! I think I hear them calling you!

I'm not a great suspense writer, but there was a fight in the air here, and all I could think was "NOT ON MY SHIFT!" And I didn't want E to get fired for beating someone up on the rug.

After DAH went back into the bar, E just stood there shaking his head and clenching his jaw.

Me: Thanks for not killing him right here, E.

E: I'm gonna get him later. I'm gonna have my buddy help me. I've run into that guy before. He always starts SOMETHING. I don't know what his problem is.

A few weeks later, E had gotten fired anyway and had found a job at some other restaurant in town. He stopped by one day to pick up his last check and we talked for a couple minutes.

Me: Did you ever get that guy?

E: I didn't get to beat him up, but he DID order out from the place I work now, and I got revenge. That's all you want to know.

Me: O___o ...Okay.

DAH was even creepy when he wasn't drunk...He paid for his room bi-monthly, and whenever he came to the desk to pay, he would say, "Now you tell *my boss* that I paid, okay?"

Me: Yes sir, it's in the computer.

DAH: Because I pay my debts. Don't let no one tell you different. I'm a good person. A good person. I pay my debts. Don't forget to tell *my boss* I paid.

Me: Okay. It's in the computer.

DAH: Don't let no one say I never paid. I paid. I'm a good man. *pause* I want to you write *my boss* a note. Write him a note saying I paid.

Me: *sigh* okay. *writes note*

DAH: Will he get the note? Don't forget to give him the note. I just paid.

Me: I will make sure he gets it.

*Enter my boss*

Me: He just paid for his next two weeks.

My boss: Okay. *wanders into his office*

DAH: Hey! *MY BOSS*! I just paid, I'm a good man...

Me: *run away*
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